Let me get this straight....

If only everyone just understood exactly what you mean in everything you say, right? Life would just be so much easier. No more of this confusing, read-between-the-lines game we're constantly playing. We wouldn't have to ask "What did that really mean?" anymore. Just imagine..........

Of course, that's not going to happen anytime too soon. The trick is to learn how to understand and to be understood. This requires a good amount of humility - to be able to explain what we feel in the language of the person to whom we are speaking, as well as trying to understand them in their own language.

If I speak in a foreign language that you don't understand, no matter how clearly I dictate the words or how simple the grammar, you will not be able to understand. This is in no way your fault. If a Swede comes up to me and starts speaking in Swedish I haven't the slightest chance of understanding what he wants until another language is employed, whether body language or hand gestures or the likes. The same is true within a language. Remember that only 10% of all communication is made up of words. The rest is in voice inflections, body language, facial cues, and so forth. Even when two people are speaking the same language, they could be completely misunderstanding each other.

Stephen R. Covey teaches that the fifth habit of highly effective people (as taught in The Seven Habits for Highly Effective People) is "Seek first to understand, then to be understood. To truly communicate with people we need to be able to explain back to them what they are feeling, preferably better than they explained it first. Not only does this enable effective communication, but it also establishes stronger trust between the individuals. We all want to be understood, but it's a difficult task to accomplish.

I think that as long as we're more concerned with understanding before being understood, the entire communication game can be dramatically simplified. Maybe all this entails is recognizing that the other person speaks differently than ourselves, and in so doing we can try to speak more effectively.