We're All Connected

How many members are there in your family? The answer might not be as clear cut as we might initially think. Mine, for instance, can be viewed in many different ways. In the strict, nuclear sense, there are just four of us: Dad, Mom, Son, Daughter. Now let's throw in three older half-siblings. Add their spouses and children. Throw in grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews and nieces. And, for good measure, pets.

After you have your family members listed, try to indicate all of the different relationships between them. Mom and Dad have their relationship as a couple. Brother and Sister have theirs. Sister and Mom, Brother and Dad, Brother and Mom, Sister and Dad, we can go on (especially with all of our extensions and mixtures going on.) The web becomes almost incoherent.

You know those board games that require you to remove pieces while trying to not destroy whatever the structure is? Every member of the family is a piece to that puzzle. Remove it, and the structure is weakened and altered. No man is an island, especially in family dynamics.

Let's say that for one reason or another Brother is removed from the picture, whether to relocation, death, major mental impairment, whatever. How big of a deal is that? All of a sudden there is a gap in the web. A gap that needs to be filled. Every subset that Brother was in is now altered and weakened. The roles that he played in them are left undone. Because the different members of each subset will need to adjust in some way or another, whether it's fulfilling those missing roles or dissolving completely. Pull enough pieces to the puzzle out and the entire system will collapse.

Now let's add someone in. How about Sister getting married? An entirely new subset is formed, and now the new Husband needs to integrate into the rest of the family. See how complex it gets?

Never underestimate you role in the family. In the words of David O. McKay, "Where'er thou art, act well thy part."