The talk.....

Okay, everyone say it with me:

Sexual intimacy.

The most awkward part of this post is now over.

We live in a world where sex is demeaned, degraded, and sold at discount price. It has been displayed as something cheap and meaningless. It is being portrayed as something entirely selfish and crude. No commitment is required and certainly no thought for the other party involved need be considered.

How sickening! This most beautiful relationship between husband and wife is being torn to shreds and sold as fodder.

Dr. Bruce Satterfield of Brigham Young University - Idaho describes the process in which two people grow in intimacy (defined as emotional closeness, not sexuality, though we will see how the two relate.)

Some of you might be familiar with this structure of a marriage:

When God is involved in the marriage like this, we see a system that in ideal for growth within the couple and increased closeness - or intimacy. You cannot grow closer to your spouse without growing closer to God, and vice versa. You also cannot grow closer to God without growing closer to your spouse.

Now take a look at the chambers within the triangle. Let's imagine that there are four of them. Starting from the bottom we'll label them "Similar Standards," "Friends," "Intimate Friends," and "Celestial Romance."

Is it possible to build a truly stable relationship without a similarity of standards? I submit no. How can it be when the basics of how we live our lives are constantly butting in against each other? Overlook them as we might, the energy it takes to do so seriously jeopardizes the possibility of anything long-lasting.

Once these ground rules have been established we can move into friendship, or, as Dr. Satterfield refers to it, the "I like you" stage. Once again, this can be with anyone we chose. I like my friends. I like my family. I enjoy their company and desire to spend time with them.

From "I like you," we can move into a more intimate relationship with our friends, when we can really say, "I love you." Granted, as we move further up in the triangle we have less and less room for people. This is only natural. I love much less people than I like. This is reserved for only my family and closest of friends. It is that selfless care and concern for their well-being. It's that attachment with them that's so close that they might as well be family.

Once we reach the top we find ourselves in a very small area - the "Celestial Romance." If we have moved up the triangle with a person correctly, taking time to firmly establish ourselves in each area, we will be in a position to choose someone - just one - with whom we desire to share that very special place. Only when it is firmly rooted in this process can intimacy and sexuality combine into a pure and sacred relationship.

In his book Human Intimacy, Victor L. Brown teaches us that when accompanied by such a high level of true intimacy, sex can provide the catalyst that brings husband and wife to an ever higher level which was not possible beforehand. However, without it, it is the basest of all relationships, placing us no higher than the animals.

Sex, when in its proper place, is a beautiful and holy thing. It partially fulfills God's commandment to become one: "And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh" (Mark 10:8). However, it can be incredibly dangerous when not under the proper circumstances. "...Sex is a river of fire that must be banked and cooled by a hundred restraints if it is not to consume in chaos both the individual and the group." [Will and Ariel Durant, The Lessons of History (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1968), pp. 35-36]

In no means does this mean it is bad. Horses are creatures who possess incredible power and are capable of a great amount of destruction if left unattended. It is just as unnecessary and unwise to destroy such creatures as it is to let them go wild. What we do instead is break them and bridle them, harnessing their strength and power in a way that allows them to be used in a much more effective and wholesome manner. Likewise, we are counseled to "bridle" our passions. Not destroy them nor let them roam free, but to harness and channel them into something of even greater strength and use. In fact, in the same passage in which are taught to bridle our passions, we are given the reason for it: "That you may be filled with love." (Alma 38:12)

How tragic is it that something so pure, beautiful and sacred has been trampled underfoot? Pornography in all of its ugly forms, prostitution, homosexuality, rape, trafficking, the list goes on. May we learn to respect and control these powerful emotions that we may truly be filled with love.